


Seasons

by etprimula



Category: NU'EST
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 12:24:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15267438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etprimula/pseuds/etprimula
Summary: Seasons changed, and so do they.





	1. Chapter 1

It was winter, the day Dongho decided it was the end.

He walked slowly towards their dorm, the same side street wherein he spent late nights with Minhyun, casually talking about everything they could think of, trying to vouch some time with just each other as company.

That day was the coldest, as he remembers how he loved Minhyun.

And his mind spontaneously traced back to one week ago, to the sight of the love of his life’s lips pressed against another man, holding on tight just like how he did towards Dongho.

It hurts, badly, deeply, like someone had cruelly stabbed him with the sharpest knife the world could offer, sadistically turning and twisting the metal until all the blood in his body drains.

What hurts the most is that the person who drove the knife was the same person whom he trusted and loved with all his heart.

He arrives at the front door of their dorm and lifelessly entered the code.

The main vocalist was welcomed by his members, Minki immediately standing up from the sofa, Aron sitting up straight with concern oozing from his eyes, and Jonghyun, who looked like he just came back from filming stared up at him.

“What happened?” Aron asks carefully.

 _What happened?_ Dongho repeats in his head as he blankly watched the others’ expressions one by one.

He meets Jonghyun’s eyes, glazed with worry.

 _What happened?_ Dongho asks his self. His vision blurs and it hurts all over again.

“We broke up.” Dongho simply states, unshed tears finally flowing out.

He holds back a sob. He can’t break down like this in front of them.

“I’m… tired.” The main vocalist says shakily, hands trembling. “Need sleep.”

In a second, Dongho had gone to his room.

~

Dongho wakes up to the sound of his phone going off. With a disgruntled whine, he grabs the device from the bedside table and checks the caller.

It was Ong Seongwoo.

All his desire to go back to sleep had gone through the window and he feels tired all over again.

Having no will and reason to answer the call, he ignores the repetitive ringing until it disappears. Once it ended, he pulls his body up from bed and brings his knees to his chest, burrying his face in between.

With eyes closed, he tries to calm his self down. He tries to not think of the uncomfortable pain in his chest, of how everything in his life is just a big mess.

Dongho fails as he did the exact opposite, his tears welling up once again beneath his closed eyes.

His thoughts was then cut short with a loud ring from outside. Curious as to who's still awake at an ungodly hour, Dongho wipes his tears and peeks from his room.

It was dark at the living room, the television being the only source of light, and from Dongho's vision he sees Jonghyun sitting in the sofa alone, seemingly talking to someone in the phone.

"Don't call him." Dongho hears Jonghyun say threateningly. The leader's voice is stern and it's been ages since the main vocalist last heard that tone. It kept Dongho curious as to whom and why is Jonghyun speaking that way.

"Don't show yourselves to him." Dongho's heartbeat quickens. He hears Jonghyun sigh.

"Dongho... he's already having a hard time. Just... how could you? How could the both of you?"

Dongho feels his throat tighten as he fights his tears for the nth time.

"I'm saying this one last time, Seongwoo. Never call him again." Jonghyun speaks in a low tone before hanging up. The leader heaves a deep sigh.

And Dongho feels sorry for being a burden to their leader once again.

~

A week had passed but it was still as cold as the first day of winter.

Dongho immersed into music, working all day and night fueled with caffeine as a way to distract his self from all the pain and sadness. He knew there was no use to wallowing into whatever had happened.

Today was no exception.

The main vocalist stretched out his limbs, finally finishing the chorus for the song he's working on. Bumzu had left him hours ago for a prior commitment and as much as he wanted help with this song, Dongho appreaciated the time he was alone.

It was already past 10 in the evening and he realized he had not eaten anything since lunch. He scratches his empty belly with a pout, thinking of just buying something from a nearby McDonald's.

He was about to fix his things when he hears the studio door open.

"Hey." Jonghyun greets him with a small smile.

"Why are you here?" Dongho asks in surprise. The leader raises his eyebrow.

"I can't?"

"No, I mean, you're supposed to be at home resting? You had a shoot today right?"

Jonghyun shrugs. "Haven't had dinner yet. Thought you skipped as well. I bought sashimi."

Dongho laughs at how Jonghyun waved the plastic bag in front of him. "Nice."

Jonghyun excitedly lays out all the food while Dongho helped with a content smile. At least he's not having fast food for tonight. The leader hands him his chopsticks before digging in.

"Thanks for the food." Dongho announces as he started to eat.

It was comfortably silent for a few minutes, only the sound of chewing audible until Jonghyun puts down his chopsticks. Dongho turns his head towards the other in wonder. "You're done?"

Jonghyun just stared back at him with an unreadable expression. "Actually..."

Dongho gulps at the seriousness in his tone.

"This may sound cheesy but I just want to tell you that you don't have to keep everything to yourself."

Dongho stares back, unable to comprehend what the other was trying to imply.

"Share your pain with us. Trust us a little."

Dongho puts down his chopsticks as well, finally understanding what the leader meant. He chuckles bitterly.

"It's not that I don't trust you. It's just... I don't want to burden all of you with my problems. Especially you. I know you, Jonghyun. I just don't want you to blame yourself over things that is out of your control. So..."

Jonghyun frowns, "this is not about me, Dongho. This is about you."

Dongho remains silent.

"At least allow us to help you move on."

It was still silent for a few minutes until Dongho giggles mischievously.

"Treating me to meals is a great start to moving on. Maybe do this more often?"

Jonghyun raises his eyebrows in astonishment before laughing in resignation. "I'll be broke soon."

They laughed in unison, Dongho feeling the weight in his heart lighten.

 _Maybe heartbreaks aren't too bad after all._ Dongho thought.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, to the people who read my drabble collection, I'm really sorry this took so long. To be honest I started writing this 2 months ago then I suddenly switched off haha. Couldn't find my muse and stuff. 
> 
> For the people who haven't read my drabble collection, this fic is the main story for "Wish" and "Rain" so uhm if you wanna check it out just visit my profile hehe.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this JBaekMin fiasco folks!


	2. Chapter 2

"Am I a bad person?"

Dongho stares outside the cafe window, soft rays of sunlight shining through the blooming flowers of late April as it swayed back and forth slowly along with the gentle breeze.

The weather is nice, the skies are clear and it could have been perfect if not for the dull pain in Dongho's heart that reoccurs from time to time.

Jonghyun slowly puts down his cup of Iced Latte, sighing.

"You're not."

"If not then why?" Dongho asks, fragility evident in his tone, "why do these things happen to me?"

The question did not come as a surprise to Jonghyun, perhaps it is a very familiar one. It is something the leader had repeatedly asked his own self and while he is comfortable with his own delf depreciating thoughts, he cannot afford to let Dongho, of all people, think like he is a disappointment as a person in all aspects.

In contrary, for Jonghyun, Dongho was and is still the kindest and most transparent person he had ever met.

Taking in Dongho's melancholy side profile, Jonghyun leans in closer.

"You know, I saw this one comment on Pann a few days ago."

Dongho faces Jonghyun with a questioning look.

"Just how beautiful your path of flowers would appear to be when you've been walking through a path of thorns for a long time."

Dongho isn't sure if it's the Americano running through his system but his heart feels like bursting out of his chest as he stared back at his smiling leader basked in the warm sunlight.

"You have us, Dongho. You have me. This may be uncertain but I'll do everything I can so that only good things will come your way. Alright?"

Living as a person with a big built, Dongho never really knew how it felt to be protected as he was always the one who does the protecting. But now, Dongho realizes that no matter how big or small a person's frame is, it is the pure and honest words someone utters that makes people feel safe.

There were times when Dongho wanted to close off his heart from people, when he became too afraid to trust anyone when two of the people closest to his heart caused him so much pain, so much trauma that it came to the point that he's always suspicious to whatever people tell him.

But there was Jonghyun and his free meals and sparkling eyes and bright smiles, and it's mystical how the leader's words goes straight through his chest and Dongho holds them dearly, like an anchor that helps him stay grounded whenever he feels like he's losing against the pain.

"Thank you." Dongho quietly whispers.

Jonghyun waves him off, "are you done with your coffee? We need to go."

The main vocalist checks his watch, "Ah. I'll just take this with me. Thanks for this as well." Dongho grins in mischief to which Jonghyun groans as response.

"You're lucky I'm getting more variety gigs!"

~

Dongho never expected for them to meet again this soon.

Their comeback is getting near, Dongho thought that with the concept they're pushing through and the season they are aiming for, he is obliged to work out twice as hard as his regular routine.

He was determined to give his all for his routine tonight only for his burning passion to be crushed as he sees Minhyun and Daniel fiddling on the barbells across the gym.

Even after months had passed, it is still too soon.

Dongho was about to leave but unfortunately, a clueless Daniel notices the main vocalist.

"Dongho-hyung? Dongho-hyung! The dancer greets out loud and Dongho does not miss how Minhyun froze beside his bandmate.

 _Relax. Act normal. He knows nothing._ Dongho tells his self as he took a deep breath, turned around and smiled at the Wanna One member.

"Long time no see." Dongho manages to say without sounding jiffy.

"Heard you're preparing for a comeback?" Daniel asks cheerfully. Dongho just nods. "Yeah."

All throughout the discourse between Daniel and Dongho about the new album and world tours, Minhyun remains unmoving. Dongho could feel the other's eyes on him and it's actually getting too suffocating. The main vocalist was about to make an excuse to leave when Minhyun speaks up.

"Daniel I'm sorry but can you give us a minute?"

Daniel eyes the both of them before muttering a curt "sure" then leaves.

The atmosphere turned cold in an instant.

"I'm pretty sure I already told you everything I wanted to say the last time we met." Dongho says, just wanting to get out of this situation quick.

"I... I'm sorry. I truly am, Dongho." Minhyun meekly states.

"I know you are. I already told you I understand." Dongho feels his patience growing thin.

"This is entirely my fault, please don't hate Seongwoo. Just hate me. He feels apologetic as well..."

Dongho chuckles bitterly, "You know I can never hate you, Minhyun-ah."

The sound of his name rolling out of Dongho's tongue leaves a bitter aftertaste in Minhyun's heart, like a nostalgic memory he knew he can never have back.

And it was all his own damn fault. For being dissatisfied and ungrateful of what he had until he ultimately lost it.

"I'm leaving." Dongho announced and in a flash he was gone.

Minhyun was left with the life eating guilt he would probably carry for the rest of his life.

~

Jonghyun is surprised to see Dongho come home earlier than he thought.

The leader was playing a game on his phone in his bedroom, trying to pass time as he waited for the main vocalist to come home from his work out night. It became a habit, waiting for each other to return home and eat dinner together (mostly because Jonghyun insisted to keep his "free meal" promise) and probably chat a little about life and work.

Tonight was different. Jonghyun looks up to a still neat and clean Dongho with a forlorn expression in his eyes peeking from his bedroom's door.

"Can I come in?"

Jonghyun did not miss the brokenness in the other's tone. Jonghyun nods as he puts his phone away and makes space for Dongho to sit beside him on his bed.

Something must've happened.

But Jonghyun was unable to ask further as Dongho buried his head on the leader's shoulder and started to  sob uncontrollably.

Seeing this, feeling the warm tears of the other dampen his shirt, feeling the other's shoulders shake violently, hearing the garbled syllables from Dongho's mouth that formed "it hurts" made Jonghyun's heart clench painfully, it made Jonghyun seethe in anger at whoever may have caused it (whom he knows perfectly well) and he feels so helpless, not knowing what words to say to calm the other down nor how to make him stop crying.

Instead, Jonghyun wraps his arms around Dongho, bringing him impossibly closer to his chest. Hoping that the warmth could ease the pain even just a little bit.

As time passes slowly, Jonghyun's embrace never getting loose around Dongho's body, the main vocalist calms down and was fast asleep. Making sure that he's in a deep slumber, Jonghyun lays Dongho down on his bed, one hand around the nook of Dongho's neck and the other hand carding through the sleeping man's disheveled hair. Jonghyun stares down at Dongho, eyes glassy with the tears he was trying so hard to hold back.

"Good night." Jonghyun quietly whispers as he laid beside Dongho, moving to hold the main vocalist's hand tightly.

 _Let tomorrow take the pain away_ , Jonghyun wishes as he closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post the rest of the chapters later! ❤️


	3. Chapter 3

Something isn't right.

Jonghyun and Dongho had been working more closely together for the comeback album as Jonghyun wrote lyrics for his own rap verses. The amount of meals skipped and ate together increases as well as the amount of sleepless nights and small naps.

It is another night of preparation for the album, Jonghyun was just supposed to consult the main vocalist with the lyrics he had written and ask if anything needs improvement but a sleepy Dongho welcomed him and had instantly fallen into a deep nap on the leader's lap.

And Jonghyun knows the way his heart raced at the sight of Dongho's peaceful state isn't right.

The leader really isn't sure when it all started. All he wanted to do was to help Dongho gain his footing once again after everything he had gone through, to be a pillar to their main vocalist whom had been reluctant to face people for some time. But at some point between late night trips, deep conversations over meals, and emotional breakdowns, Jonghyun found himself staring a little longer, laughing a little louder even at the lamest jokes, and smiling a little brighter at the sight of the other.

Whatever Jonghyun think it means, he knows that it should not prolong. He knows that if he ever starts entertaining his feelings it would lead to chaotic change in their dynamics, as two friends and as a whole band. One damage was enough, and Jonghyun knows he shouldn't be stupid enough to create another.

So he shrugs the feelings off, sweeping it under the rug and wishes for it to never surface again.

"Jonghyun-ah?"

The leader snaps back to reality at the sound of the man on his lap groggily calling out to him.

"Oh. You're awake."

Dongho yawns as he pushes his body up and stretched his limbs, all of those actions never going unnoticed by Jonghyun. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Dongho blankly staring at nothing in front of him and Jonghyun keeping his eyes at Dongho. The silence made Jonghyun anxious.

"What were you thinking?" Dongho asks, still unmoving. Jonghyun feels his face warm up.

"Nothing." the leader curtly replies. Dongho whips his head towards the other with a concerned look.

"Hey. The album will do good." The main vocalist assures, squeezing the other's arm, "we'll be fine. Don't think too much, okay?"

 _That's not it._ Jonghyun thought as he stared back at Dongho's light colored eyes oozing with consolation, at his disheveled raven locks, and at the small smile forming at the corners of his mouth.

 _This shouldn't be._ And Jonghyun fights the strong desire to dive into the other's gaze, fights the itch in his fingers to run them through the other's hair, fights the incessant need to make Dongho's smile wider and brighter.

Jonghyun fights the way his heart soared at Dongho's presence because he knows it is right thing to do.

"I need to go." the leader abruptly rises, surprising Dongho.

"It's dinner time. Let's go eat together before you go?" Dongho bargains but Jonghyun declines as he quickly left the studio leaving a puzzled Dongho behind.

~

Discreetly observing through the mirror of the dance studio, Aron is convinced that something's going on between Jonghyun and Dongho.

It really isn't that hard to decipher, not when he had been living with them for almost all of his life.

It's been going on for a month now, ever since they were done recording the songs and had started practicing the choreography. The eldest cannot be sure as to what exactly had transpired between the pair, but he knows that Jonghyun's been avoiding Dongho, it was actually blatantly obvious as the leader had been discussing a lot of things with the choreographer as well as Aron and Minki but had only given the main vocalist brief replies and curt nods, and Dongho seems to be upset about it with the way he's been stealing glances at the leader from time to time.

Aron sighs, not believing how the two seemed like the bestest of friends for like more than half a year then suddenly had gone into this state.

As the oldest, Aron felt like he should at least try to make things better. It may not affect the preparation for their comeback but it would surely affect something in the future.

But as what he expected from Dongho, he beats him to it, approaching the leader with a serious look in his eyes.

"Jonghyun-ah." the main vocalist calls out and Aron noticed that the leader flinched.

"Want to grab some coffee? My treat." Dongho offered, Aron caught the way the leader's eyes wavered a bit before turning his back again at the main vocalist.

"I'm fine. No thanks."

Aron sees a flash of hurt in the main vocalist's eyes.

"Fine. Do what you want then." Dongho snapped, walking away to leave the dance studio.

Aron doesn't miss the way Jonghyun's eyes turned glassy, a speck of regret evident enough from his facial expression and from there Aron realized that this situation isn't a simple misunderstanding, not when the leader himself isn't addressing it nor trying to talk it out.

And as the oldest, he knew he had to step up.

Right after dance practice, as Minki and Dongho left the studio, Aron grabbed the leader's arm and pulled him in a corner.

"I need to talk to you."

Jonghyun raises his eyebrow, questioning the older.

"You have a lot to explain."

~

The two oldest settled in a 24/7 cafe near their dorm. Aron recalls how Dongho seemed disappointed when the eldest asked the manager to drop just the two of them off. (Minki was too tired to care.) Aron felt sorry, Jonghyun remained stoic but Aron really isn't buying the act.

"Now tell me why you're avoiding Dongho."

The leader deeply sighs. He knew that the members would catch on him sooner or later. Minki probably sensed it as well but knowing the younger, he'll never meddle with it unless someone asked for his help. Aron on the other hand, although in the culture he grew up in age really doesn't matter, Jonghyun knew Aron still held his responsibility as their hyung just like how he was with his younger sisters.

Under Aron's scrutinizing eyes, Jonghyun realized that there is really no point in lying right now. Fiddling with his coffee cup, he confesses.

"I'm feeling something that I shouldn't be feeling, hyung."

Aron frowns, puzzled. "Care to elaborate?"

Jonghyun sighs. "I think I like him."

The older's jaw drops. "You... what? Since when?"

The leader leans back to his chair, suddenly feeling exhaustion wash all over his being.

"I really don't know. It just happened and I know it's fucked up that's why I'm avoiding him."

"Fucked up?"

"All the possible situations are complicated." Jonghyun ruffles his hair in frustration. "Even if he likes me back or not it will definitely change our group's dynamics. I can't let that happen again, not after what happened between him and Minhyun. We're not even sure how to treat him once he's back and I can't afford to make this situation messier than it is."

"And the only solution you see is to supress your feelings until it disappears and avoid him like a plaque?"

Aron sighs.

"Jonghyun, can you like, stop thinking about the group for a while and think about how you feel?"

"I can't. Not when everything's at stake here."

Aron could feel the frustration growing inside him but he tries hard to remain calm.

"Then try to think about what Dongho feels right now with you acting cold to him all of a sudden."

"Hyung..."

"Look at what happened earlier. You're hurting yourself and you're hurting him all for what? For the team? You were mainly the reason why he could be himself again, imagine how much it hurts him to see you act that way towards him. How is that any different with what Minhyun did?"

Jonghyun feels his whole chest tighten at Aron's words. God knows it was never his intention to hurt Dongho, in his head, he did what he did for them to not be in an awkward position. But hearing these from his hyung makes him realize that he may have fucked up and he is confused. He doesn't know what to do anymore.

"Jonghyun-ah. Don't do this to Dongho. Don't do this to yourself. What's best for the group is our happiness, no matter how our relationships with each other change."

The leader looks up at Aron, "what should I do then... I'm really confused, hyung."

"Just do what your heart wants to do, Jonghyun-ah. Let yourself free for once. If he doesn't feel the same way then you'll both get over it although it may hurt you for a while and he'll actually understand if you distance yourself. If he does feel the same way then... isn't that great." Aron finishes with a chuckle.

"What about Minhyun?"

Aron stops for a while.

"Not to be crude but he'll have to suck it up."

Jonghyun chokes on his saliva, "Hyung!"

"No really," Aron defends his self, "if Dongho wants to date again, doesn't matter if it's you or someone else, he'll have to accept that. They're long over now anyway."

Jonghyun sighs, "Okay hyung. I'll try."

Aron softly smiles in relief.

"But if my heart breaks would you lend me your shoulder to cry on, hyung?" Jonghyun playfully inquires to which Aron gives him a stink eye.

"No. Go to Minki."

Aron laughs at the way the leader pouted and whined, knowing deep inside that what the other is assuming will never happen.

Not when Dongho looks at Jonghyun now the same way he used to look at Minhyun before.

 


	4. Chapter 4

"Wait... wait wait don't let go yet." Jonghyun pleads, clutching on the bike handle tightly as if his life depended on it.

Dongho, who was guiding the bicycle from behind, sniggers. "Relax, you'll be fine."

The cold breeze of night sweeps silently, the sounds of dried leaves crunching under their feet and the bicycle's wheels seems loud amidst the tranquility.

Even when their promotions ended months ago, the members have been getting little rest because of their personal gigs. Minki was casted in another drama and have been landing variety show guestings, Aron got a regular DJing job, Jonghyun being a main cast to more than 3 variety shows, and Dongho had been tasked to prepare for their next album.

Today was Jonghyun's day off, and while he wanted to spend the rest of the day playing games, Dongho had other plans.

Jonghyun couldn't say no as Dongho dragged him outside with a bicycle, ranting about how it's time for the leader to learn how to freaking ride a bike alone.

"Just keep on pedaling." Dongho commands as he slowly pulls his hand away from the bike.

"Dongho don't let go yet! I'm gonna fall!" Jonghyun wails. Dongho does the exact opposite and completely let's go of the metal, running up to face Jonghyun with a sly smile.

"Don't worry, I'll catch you." Dongho says with a wink.

Jonghyun feels his face warm up and his brain stops working for a while.

_What the hell?_

Jonghyun snaps back to reality as Dongho held his hand that grips the handle and the action made the former's heart palpitate. It was too much and he feels so hot all of a sudden.

"There there you're doing great Jonghyun!" the main vocalist cheers as he kept up with Jonghyun's slow pace.

"If I fall on my face you go explain to the manager." Jonghyun spites, trying to act calm but deep inside he's already screaming in a weird mix of delight and suffering.

"You won't!" Dongho laughs at the other's anxiousness. "Okay I'm really letting go this time. Keep on pedaling!"

Jonghyun takes a deep breath as Dongho lets go of his hand, his mind torn between focusing on cycling and keeping his heart rate down.

But it was almost impossible, not when Dongho's looking at him with the most beautiful smile in the world.

"Hey there's a rock!"

Jonghyun was so lost in the other's radiance that he blanked out for minutes, the road ahead of him left unseen and in an instant the bicycle's wheel hits a huge chunk of rock making Jonghyun lose his balance over the vehicle.

Then he feels a pair of strong arms grab his torso from behind, avoiding the bicycle and himself from turning over.

"Why are you spacing out! You almost got hurt!" Jonghyun hears Dongho scold him from behind.

The shock over the incident was immediately replaced by warmth as Jonghyun felt Dongho's chest against his back and he realizes how close their bodies are right now.

They stayed that way for a few minutes before reality hits them like ice cold water and Dongho pulls his arms away as if he had been electrocuted.

"Be careful." Dongho says quietly and Jonghyun isn't sure if it's the trick of the light from the lamp post but the main vocalists ears are fiery red.

"Sorry." Jonghyun managed to blurt out and hopes he isn't blushing right now.

Awkward silence followed, the both of them not really knowing what to do or say next and it's really weird for Dongho. Since when we're they this awkward?

"Uhm... we should go home, I guess?"

"Yeah."

The fuzzy feeling in their chest had not once dissipated as they walk their way back to their dorm side by side in silence.

~

Dongho couldn't sleep.

Staring at the cup of warm milk he made for himself, he traces back to what happened earlier, to the way he felt as he held Jonghyun close.

These emotions were familiar, and he's not exactly sure if he's ready for that kind of thing again. Especially now that it's his bandmate again.

"Dongho?"

The jumps in surprise at the sound of Minki, whom he thought was already asleep, calling him, strutting towards the dining table he was sitting on for a few hours now with a puzzled look.

"What's keeping you up?" Minki asks as he sat down in front of him with a mug of water in his hand. Dongho sighs.

"Just thinking about the album and stuff."

Minki eyes him suspiciously and Dongho feels his face flush, he's really not that good at lying and he knows Minki sensed it. Trying to get away from the situation, he sips on his milk.

"It's Jonghyun, isn't it?"

Dongho almost spat out his beverage.

"It is." Minki says in a matter of fact. "It's obvious."

Dongho huffs in resignation, knowing there's no way he'll escape the other's interrogation. "In what way?"

"We're living together for 10 years now, Dongho. I just know." Minki leans back on his chair with crossed arms. "What's bothering you though?"

Dongho leans back on his chair, sighing.

"I'm scared." the main vocalist blurts out sounding so weak and frail that Minki feels his heart sting.

It was perfectly reasonable.

The memory of how Dongho acted after the break-up resurfaces in Minki's mind, he remembers how the main vocalist practically lost his confidence (which had always been running low ever since they debuted), turning down any compliment that came his way, not believing anyone who praised his looks or personality. He remembers how Dongho barely smiled nor laughed off camera and had worked his ass off in the studio composing and writing songs with no sleep or food, trying to distract himself but destroying his self in the process. It was excruciatingly painful to see Dongho like that when he used to be the most optimistic among all of them and God knows how much they tried their best to gain back the old Dongho.

But Minki knows that some things cannot be brought back to the way it used to be and the incident had left a permanent dent in Dongho's life.

And what makes all of this a tad bit harder is that no matter how angry and disappointed they are with Minhyun, they know they can never fully curse Minhyun out of their lives because aside from being bandmates, he was still their friend, their _family_.

"Take it slow, Dongho-ya."

Dongho looks up at Minki and under the dim light of the dining room Minki sees how glassy Dongho's eyes had turned, looking like a lost child trying to find his way back home.

"You don't have to force yourself into a relationship again. Just let your heart feel what it feels and maybe along the way you'll find yourself ready once again."

"Besides, it's Jonghyun. He'll understand."

Dongho finds himself relieved at Minki's words, but suddenly he realized something and he frowns.

"Wait, how are we even sure Jonghyun feels the same way?"

Minki smiles at him with a mysterious glint in his eyes.

"I just know, Dongho. I just know."

~

"You don't have to go if you don't want to." Aron suggests to which Minki nodded in agreement.

Jonghyun was awfully quiet though. Dongho glances at the leader who was looking outside of the car window, expression completely unreadable.

The vice president had called them this morning, asking them to meet him at the office today to dicuss their upcoming contract renewal and comeback album as 5 members since it's barely 2 months away from 2019.

They were also told that Minhyun would be present at the meeting.

Dongho sighs, feeling strangely passive at the situation.

"We'll have to work together again anyway. I'll just go and deal with it."

He'd been avoiding Minhyun for months now, and he hopes that the long time they've been apart had subdued any feelings of anguish he had for the other man.

But at the back of his mind, he's scared. He is frightened at the possibility that maybe, even just a little bit, he still loves Minhyun.

Unknowingly to him, Jonghyun ponders over the same thing.

They arrived at Pledis in no time. The manager left them to fetch the vice president and asked them to just wait at the conference room for a while. Dongho heaves a deep sigh before going in.

Minhyun sat at the farthest chair, hands clasped together above the table with an anxious face. He flinched at the noise of people entering and looks up to them but soon looks down, seemingly ashamed.

Dongho couldn't bring himself to feel pity, he couldn't even bring himself to feel. And he doesn't know if that's a good thing or not.

"Minhyun-ah, long time no see." Minki greets, trying to liften up the atmosphere.

"Hello Minki, Aron hyung, Jonghyun-ah..."

The three returned the greetings with a small smile.

"Not gonna greet me? Really?" Dongho doesn't know where he found the courage to playfully greet the other but he does, surprising the other four. Especially Minhyun who was too flustered to speak.

"I... yes, yes. Hello D-dongho." Minhyun stutters.

It became like an ice breaker, and although Minhyun looks like he's about to kneel down in front of them, Aron and Minki bombarded him with stories about their new pets, asking about his world tours, and tries to make Minhyun relax thru catching up.

Dongho still can't find himself doing that, so he was thankful to the pair for making the situation a little less awkward.

It was weird how Jonghyun's not joining them though, Dongho turns his head towards the leader who was just silently sitting beside the three, seemingly deep in his thoughts. Worried, the main vocalist sits right beside him.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

Jonghyun jumps at the query, not noticing that Dongho had come up and sat next to him.

"I'm... fine? Why?" Jonghyun asks back.

"You look like you're going through the contracts in advance. Loosen up. We'll be fine."

It's really funny how Dongho always comforted him with the wrong issues. More than whatever they're gonna be discussing here in this meeting, Jonghyun was worried of Dongho and at the same time there's an uncomfortable sting in his heart that he felt when the ex lovers greeted each other. There's still this uncertainty as to what Dongho feels for the other in his head and it hurts to think of the possibility that they may be still in love with each other.

The way Dongho looked at him innocently briefly threw all of those thoughts out of the window. A small smile formed at the corner of his lips unconsciously.

Dongho replies with a bigger and brighter smile and Jonghyun feels his cheeks warming up, God I like him so much.

As Dongho stared back at Jonghyun's sparkling dark orbs, his mind clicks signaling an epiphany.

_He doesn't love Minhyun anymore._

From afar, Minhyun didn't miss the exchange between the two and he somehow felt a strange twinge in his heart at the scene.


	5. Chapter 5

Minhyun stands in front of their dorm, carrier and bags beside him.

He never thought that he'll ever be reluctant to go back here, his home.

After everything he did, after almost destroying one pillar of this home, he can never look at them straight in the eye ever again. He feels so ashamed, so disgraceful and they don't deserve having to live with someone as rotten as his self.

Even Seongwoo doesn't deserve being with a jerk. So he broke up with him right after Wanna One disbanded. It was actually a mutual decision. They knew it will never last, not when they started their relationship stomping onto an innocent person's heart.

_Inhale. Exhale._ Minhyun picks up the courage to enter the passcode and enter.

"Welcome back!"

Minhyun jumps up in shock. Aron, Jonghyun, Minki, and Dongho blew the small party trumpets in unison as they laugh at the lead vocalist's bewildered expression.

"W-what?" Minhyun asks, still not believing what is happening in front of him.

"We said welcome back!" Aron runs up to him with and envelopes him in a tight hug, followed by Minki who excitedly jumps on his back. Jonghyun stayed back, ruffling his hair with a warm smile.

Dongho stayed further back, mouthing "welcome back" with a soft stare and a small smile.

He expected simple greetings and cold shoulders. Not this. Never this.

He bursts out in tears, everything feels surreal.

"Hey don't cry oh my God!" Aron dramatically exclaims while patting the other's back while Minki caressed his shoulder, trying to calm him down but he can't.

He knew that his members were kind people, but he never knew that they were this accepting, _forgiving_.

~

They celebrated Minhyun's return with a feast, Aron bringing in soju and beer although he knew that the their main and lead vocalist never really liked alcohol, he bargained today was special they should let their selves free for once.

The group were in the middle of catching up, with Minhyun recounting his wild experiences as a Wanna One member (which is mainly about their extreme fans and their poor management) and Minki excitedly talking about their pets and bragging how he's trying to keep the dorm clean while Minhyun was gone.

Then an important topic pops out of Minhyun's head.

"Where am I sleeping?"

He turns to Minki who just looks back at him sheepishly.

"Dongho's rooming with me so you can use his room." Jonghyun says while munching on a chicken wing.

"Sorry, got too comfortable in your room. Besides! I helped cleaning up Dongho's room so you can use it tonight."

_Dongho's rooming with Jonghyun?_

Minhyun knows Dongho. He doesn't like anyone coming in and out of his room and appreciates his alone time a lot that's why he preferred having a room of his own.

Putting his suspicions at bay, Minhyun smiles gratefully. "That's okay Minki-ya. Thank you anyway, for uh... cleaning Dongho's room."

The feast ended with them buzzed out with alcohol in their systems, all of them had gone to their own respective rooms, some already fast asleep, some washing up, and some still awake due to a sudden storm of thoughts running to their head.

And that's Dongho.

He really doesn't understand why but all of a sudden he's thinking about his feelings for Jonghyun, how much he wanted to just hold the man close but at the same time he knows he's still not ready to commit, not when Minhyun had just returned.

He also thinks of Minhyun, of how he would feel if he actually dates Jonghyun. And as much as the lead vocalist had hurt him, he does not wish for him to suffer the same way as he did. He cherishes Minhyun and their memories together too much to do that.

He sat on his bed, face flushed because of the alcohol but nevertheless wide awake. And he really doesn't understand why.

Jonghyun then enters their now shared room, fresh from shower, sporting an oversized white tee and shorts.

"Why are you still awake?" Jonghyun asks softly, sitting in front of him.

Dongho remained silent, only staring back at the leader, feeling his heart thump loudly in his chest as he looked at the man who picked him up at his lowest, held his hand at his highest, and had constantly stayed by his side whatever happened.

With those thoughts in mind along with the alcohol running in his system, Dongho softly grabbed the nook of Jonghyun's neck and dives in for a gentle kiss.

The main vocalist expected the leader to pull away, not for the latter to kiss back, carefully placing his hand on Dongho's cheek.

Their first kiss was fiery with new found want, like opening up a whole new world and Jonghyun feels like flying at the surge of emotions running through his head. They kissed slowly but passionately until they were left breathless.

They pull apart to catch some air, foreheads flush against each other, looking into each other's eyes as if it held all the answers to their doubts.

But suddenly, Dongho realises what he had done. He pulls away from Jonghyun with terror.

"I'm sorry... oh my God Jonghyun I'm sorry I shouldn't have... I'm sorry..."

Worried, Jonghyun cups the other's face between his hands, "what's the matter?"

"I can't... not now... I still can't I'm sorry Jonghyun...I-"

"Hey. It's okay."

Dongho stares at him with wide, glassy eyes.

"It's okay. I'll be whatever you want me to be until you're ready. I can wait." Jonghyun reassured with that same old smile that made Dongho open up his traumatised heart again.

"Let's sleep for now, Dongho-ya."

Gently rubbing his thumbs along Dongho's cheeks, Jonghyun steals one last peck before standing up to go to his own bed. But Dongho holds on the other's hand, preventing him from leaving.

"Can you just sleep here beside me?" Dongho pleads.

They lay down facing each other, and as Jonghyun scanned Dongho's tranquil face, he smiles to his self.

_He can definitely wait._

~

It was hectic as soon as he returned. Preparations for their comeback album as a complete set as well as a large scale fanmeeting started immediately and while Minhyun would appreciate a break for at least a week, he feels energised to work as a part of NU'EST again. He missed this, he missed his home and he just wanted to perform with them again immediately.

He was still stunned at the fact that his members, well aside from Dongho, has treated him the same as before. They told him that acknowledging his own wrongdoings was enough. They made it clear to him that no matter how disappointed they were, he is their family. And families accept each other, forgive each other's shortcomings and help each other to be a better person.

Dongho also made it clear that it'll take time for them to be casual around each other, which he sincerely understands.

He's now sitting beside Minki in the recording room, waiting for their turn as Bumzu and Dongho directed Aron's parts. He was carefully skimming thru his own parts when Jonghyun arrives.

"Hi." The leader greets the two of them with a wave. They greet back with a tired smile.

Instead of sitting with them, Jonghyun makes his way to Dongho and puts one arm around the latter's shoulder. The main vocalist looks up in delight as he recognized the leader, asking him where he had gone and updating the leader with the progress of the recording with so much mirth.

Minhyun feels that same twinge again. He knew the two were close, and it's irrational for Minhyun to feel this way.

But he can't dismiss the idea that there might be a subtle change with the way they looked at each other.

Dongho's loud laughter snapped Minhyun out of his thoughts and he sees Jonghyun mocking annoyance.

"Focus on recording you brat!" the leader was about to walk away but Dongho grabs the other's hand, still laughing.

"I'm sorry!"

Jonghyun then moves closer towards Dongho again, this time tickling the main vocalist's neck with his free hand.

Minhyun watched as the two bantered over something he didn't quite catch while laughing, hands still intertwined with each other.

The scene and the feeling it emits is quite familiar yet Minhyun refuses to acknowledge it. He doesn't want to assume things this soon.

One thing's for sure though, _something really changed._

~

Minhyun knew this will happen sooner or later.

The dorm is eerily quiet, Minhyun and Dongho being the only people in it. The other members were out for their personal gigs.

Minhyun remembers how he really liked it when something like this happens back then, when they were still together and finding their "alone time" at an "alone place" was hard.

It was the exact opposite now as he tried to not leave his room just to avoid the awkwardness.

But when he hears a soft knock on his door, he knew he'll have to face it somehow. He opens the door for Dongho who had a serious look in his face.

"Can we talk?"

And there they are, at the dining room, feasting over the pizza they ordered and Minhyun tries not to look too nervous at whatever kind of "talk" they're having tonight.

"I forgive you, Minhyun-ah."

The lead vocalist stares up in surprise at Dongho and he sees warmth dripping out of his eyes.

"So I hope you could forgive yourself too."

"I-"

"You were lonely, Seongwoo was there, you fell in love. Even though it hurted me a lot, I can never really hate you for just finding solace for yourself. Because that's what I've always wanted for you, to be happy."

Minhyun could feel tears welling up in his eyes.

"It's enough that you knew you were wrong and you're sorry for it. It's enough that you've been beating yourself over it for a whole year now. I'm fine. I can confidently say that I've moved on so I hope you do too."

Minhyun's tears finally falls down his face, he should be happy with the words he's hearing right now but it still hurts, knowing that he can never go back to what he and Dongho had. It's completely over now.

"I'll try." Minhyun says in between sniffles, "It'll take time but I'll try."

"And one more thing."

Minhyun feels his heart tighten anxiously.

"Jonghyun and I..."

_So he was right._

"Whatever we are... whatever we may be in the future... I hope you could accept that."

Minhyun never imagined that it would hurt this much. He felt like someone had stepped on his chest hard over and over again.

But he knows he's not in the right place to complain, he knows that Dongho had it hard a hundred times more than him.

"I will. I have to." Minhyun responds.

"So... friends?" Dongho offers.

Minhyun smiles through the tears.

"Friends."

Maybe this is the price of what he had done. And he's willing to pay that price just for Dongho to be happy again.

_For all of them to be happy again._


End file.
